Gods of Egypt: Egyptian folklore as told by White People

Gods of Egypt, is the first major flop of 2016, with a budget of $140 million and an opening weekend of $14 million. This film is the first return to directing for Alex Proyas in nearly nine years, his most notable works prior to being I Robot and The Crow. Proyas returns after a small hiatus with a grand disaster.

The plot follows Horus, the God of Air, and Bek, a human, setting off on an adventure to defeat Set to save the heart of Egypt. To best summarize, this movie is as if Nick at Nite did their version of ancient Egyptian mythology.

The moment we knew this movie was going downhill was when the opening narration declared, “ As we all know the story...”. Apparently, the writers and directors did not know the "story", because if that were an accurate statement, this movie would not be the colossal shit-show I just sat through. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t blown away visually by this movie. Gods of Egypt is a CGI mess riddled with poor dialogue and white-washing that insists on being a very serious film without ever letting up for a second. This movie is incredibly unintentionally hilarious. From the out of nowhere space battle scene between Geoffrey Rush and a massive space worm to Gerard Butler’s thick Scottish accent in comparison to everyone else’s vague British accents (which makes complete sense for a movie that takes place in Egypt), there is too much to laugh at. Every action scene is completely bloated with CGI that it almost took me out of the movie in some places. For instance, the central human character gets thrown around like a rag doll, but suffers no consequences. He just gets right back up and dusts off his shoulders. 

Nothing in this movie feels natural. The tone, pacing, and quick one-liners all feel shoved down your throat in a cheap attempt to be a good movie. They couldn’t even manage to hire one Egyptian actor/actress as a small effort to honor the culture they made a massive mess off. In fact, there is a grand total of five actors of color and only one of which has a significant speaking role. At what point was the decision made to cast pale European men to play the most significant gods in Egyptian lore. It’s hard to believe Proyas genuinely believed that any of this was a good idea.

I never cared once for what was going to happen next or what was going to happen to the characters. I couldn't buy into any of it. The only positive aspect of this movie, other than the unintentional humor, was that the gods bled gold when attacked. That was pretty neat.

I give this movie ⅕ of a star for being the first awful movie I have seen in a long time that didn’t star the Happy Madison crew.

Shannon McHugh